Being humble

Have you given a hard and honest look at those things that surround you? Do you like them? Or more importantly, did you choose them? 

It's never too late to analyze where we are standing in order to redefine our course. Amazingly I found a wonderful life coach that actually shares content that goes deeper than "trust your inner you" and "listen to the universe".

Here´s the fifth dive into Kathy Caprino's 9 crucial life lessons to learn before midlife.

5. GET HELP WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH OR POWER TO CHANGE WHAT'S NECESSARY.

We are human.
It's incredible how hard it is to grasp your mind around that concept for the first time.
Way back when, before the first time I stepped into a psychologist's office, I was filled with pride on the most ridiculous aspects. I felt safe in my daily experiences without acknowledging the very essence of my humanity. You go through your day, right? And you don't think about it, you're out of touch with your limitations and your capabilities, how often have you done some kind of damage to yourself for not knowing if you could push or if you needed to let go? Our power, our brains, our bodies, our energy, our knowledge, they have limitations.
One of the biggest lessons I took from rehab was pretty basic: I am human, that means I'm not perfect, I cannot control everything around me, I cannot do everything, I cannot be excellent all the time, I am flawed. I will fail and shit is going to happen.
It's so freeing! Because then you get rid of all the guilt, shame, anxiety, responsibility that used to be on your shoulders. You are simply a human.
And it's so scary because now you face the world knowing you will fail (my heartbeat just started raising haha).

It's ok to ask for help. Because sometimes your best won't be enough, and sometimes you have to let things go, and sometimes you have to take a break.
Personally, I'm never shy asking for help and I have learned a lot about it.
As everything; it's not so simple, but I'll try to break it down.


First of all: It will hurt your ego
You're admitting your capabilities. This makes you vulnerable, humble and keeps you in touch with your humanity. It's not so easy if you have tricked yourself into powering through life hiding your "flaws" from everyone because they may be perceived as weakness, instead of actually admitting these flaws and working them out.
Maybe you're so good at hiding your imperfections that you don't even realize you have them and noticing, hurts.

Second of all: People might not help
Being vulnerable is so threatening to some people, especially when they have no experience with it. Have you ever seen someone offended on social networks because they didn't want to see a situation because it was too upsetting (global warming issues/food industry)? "Nobody wants to see that" why?
Because for me to admit your humanity, I have to accept mine and that is some scary shit. A lot of people can't and won't go through that for you or with you.
It's not personal, it's not that they don't want to help. It's just too painful and they probably don't have any idea on how to dive head first into themselves.

Third: You're asking help from flawed people
Maybe you ask for my help, I say "sure" and I do (what I think is) my best and I unintentionally fuck you up.
Let me explain the anger behind that comment.
I've asked for help many times and received something completely useless. My first psychologist was a wrong fit for me. And instead of helping me, we did so much more damage to myself in the three years of therapy I had. I thought I could put myself in her hands and trust her completely and she'd make it all go away, and instead of what I needed, she coached me along what I was going through without digging deep into the problem.
Fun fact: I have a compulsive need to please people and I constantly tried to please her, so instead of working on what I should have worked, we built this character and mask of what we thought would be the best for me (instead of what would be true).

Fourth: It's a patience game
Result: I ended up resenting her, my mom for taking me to her, I almost dropped out and developed abusive conducts regarding sex and alcohol.
Of course, I was frustrated. I asked for help, I did the humbling part and all my problems didn't go away. WHY!? And I blamed her for many years.
Truth is, her approach was a wrong fit. Might work for someone else. Not for me. She isn't to blame, my mom either, or me. It just happened.
Good news: I learned something (after like 5 years): you have to be true to your core.
Our journeys through life will have hard times, and there might be things that won't be fixed in a day. Or two, or a year. Or five. Be patient.

This didn't come out as positive as I thought it would be.

Don't wait in the sidelines for years thinking "I don't have what it takes to do this."

What help can you ask for, right now, in your life, to get moving towards what you really want?
For me; that's having someone review my work and give constructive criticism. And money to afford the majors I want to do, courses, and survival needs.

Analyzed bit from "9 crucial life lessons to learn before midlife" by Kathy Caprino.

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