Espejo

I recently finished my bachelor in tourism and... I felt nothing. I saw people shed tears during the ceremony, parents, other students. An ocean of emotions around me. And I felt nothing. So weird, it's usually the other way around. I remember struggling to get through one class without having to go to the bathroom and cry it out, bring it all back in, and walk again into my seat, a little ashamed, a little relief. Or sitting alone, but surrounded by people, on the bus home holding back gasps, sighs and pain. Maybe I had some relief to be done after all, maybe some shame thanks to my own impossible expectations of where I was "supposed" to be by now. I didn't feel proud, or like it was the end of an era. I didn't feel accomplished. I didn't feel like the guy who gave the valedictorian speech. I wasn't moved by the teachers who said with broken voices that this would be the beginning of our now meaningful lives. What does that even mean? So surrea...

BEFORE READING THIS POST GO WATCH  "THE GOOD PLACE" ON NETFLIX. Easy clues that you hate your life: 1. You have a toxic relationship (or more than one). 2. You hate your work. 3. You're bored. 4. You complain all the time. (Linked article that I liked while researching content: https://www.joe.ie/life-style/signs-that-you-hate-your-job-so-much-that-you-need-a-get-out-now-538865) Yeah, yeah, we know. And there are a bunch of articles and stuff about that so I won't get into it. I don't want to talk about hating your life. It's shit, it's hard, but it's not so hard to notice. I want to talk about NOT loving it. Watching "The good place", the point is how torture works. They shaped horrible things to particularly turn heaven into hell for one person but managing to make it seem like heaven and I thought "Do I have things like that? Do I live life thinking this is a good life while I'm actually suffering?...

We've all heard that depression isn't about "just feeling sad" or "just tired". Then what is it really about? I've decided the best way for me to raise awareness has to be opening up on how these episodes affect me and my everyday life in these posts called: My depression today. I was first told I had depression in high school. No surprise, I was a sixteen-year-old kid who went at least once a week in PJs because I couldn't deal with choosing an outfit. Basically, I survived Monday through Thursday barely, and on Friday I would make an effort to go out to a party and self-medicate with alcohol and sex. Fun times... Not. My mom and I struggled as I gathered myself to go to therapy. It wasn't easy. Peer pressure assured me there was nothing wrong. My heart knew otherwise and my mom as well. My drinking habits escalated. Until one day, begging and crying, my mom asked me to go to see a therapist. I did. We talked. We were all relieved. For a ...

"Love is a bridge, not a wall." Capheus Onyango - Sense 8 My mom is an amazing boss. She has grown professionally so much, especially considering the "disadvantages" she had to struggle with. She now has become the ultimate millennial boss: she validates her employees' efforts, home-office is always an option, creativity is welcome and encouraged and freedom is a constant. She is one yoga and meditation space short of being every new-age-vegan-creative-alternative-living-young person's dream. However, the other day someone asked her about working with millennials to what she answered "Omg, they're the worst, so emotional and want a participation medal every time. Entitled and whiny". Of course, as her millennial daughter, I was offended af. So I tried to figure out what's up with "us", and why we are like this: lazy, mopy, mess. And I found out, what must of us already know: we are a pretty cool generation immersed in a profu...

"There's a soldier trapped in a hole and he can't get out. He yells for help. A lieutenant passes by and says: "Suck it up, son. Dig deep." and throws him a shovel. The soldier does as he's told and digs that hole deeper. Obeying but not understanding. Frustrated he yells for help again. An officer comes and says: "Hell, son, use the tools you were given." and throws him a bucket. The soldier does as he's told and fills the bucket. He was just making the hole deeper. Desperate, he yells again. A doctor comes by: "Oh, I've seen this before, this will help you" and throws him some pills. The pills help, they make the hole go away. He feels better. But he's still trapped in the hole. The pills run out. He couldn't shout anymore. No hope. Finally, another soldier sees him in the hole and jumps in. They stared at each other, the new soldier was covered in mud, both of them were. "What are you doing? Now there's two...