Espejo

I recently finished my bachelor in tourism and... I felt nothing. I saw people shed tears during the ceremony, parents, other students. An ocean of emotions around me. And I felt nothing. So weird, it's usually the other way around. I remember struggling to get through one class without having to go to the bathroom and cry it out, bring it all back in, and walk again into my seat, a little ashamed, a little relief. Or sitting alone, but surrounded by people, on the bus home holding back gasps, sighs and pain. Maybe I had some relief to be done after all, maybe some shame thanks to my own impossible expectations of where I was "supposed" to be by now. I didn't feel proud, or like it was the end of an era. I didn't feel accomplished. I didn't feel like the guy who gave the valedictorian speech. I wasn't moved by the teachers who said with broken voices that this would be the beginning of our now meaningful lives. What does that even mean? So surrea...

One of the hardest things to accept when you are diagnosed with a mental illness (especially at a young age) is accepting the changes you must make to your lifestyle. Yes, being mentally ill pushes us to change to a healthier lifestyle; there's no point in fighting it. These lifestyle posts will talk about these changes, sometimes with baby but very brave steps.  Exercise Running A couple of years ago I found a magical book that changed my life. "The psychic power of running" by Valerie Andrews. I'll just leave a little of Valerie Andrews' wisdom:  The basic synchronicity of the body and the mind : She wrote that about the relationship between emotions and body feelings. Backed by Wilhelm Reich who argues that undischarged emotions are kept hidden in sections of the body, blocking energy flows, which make mental health possible and early emotional insecurities trigger body responses; also called psychosomatic diseases. They're not alone, Austin ...

One of the hardest things to accept when you are diagnosed with a mental illness (especially at a young age) is accepting the changes you must make to your lifestyle. Yes, being mentally ill pushes us to change to a healthier lifestyle; there's no point in fighting it. These lifestyle posts will talk about these changes, sometimes with baby but very brave steps.  Exercise Oh, yes, the many many benefits of working out; the XXI-century-media-obsession with being skinny and fit. Exercise is wonderful: Improved sleep Increased sex drive Stress relief Increased energy and stamina Weight reduction Increase mental alertness Improved cardiovascular fitness Improved physical endurance Resilience Reduced cholesterol (Sharma, 2006) But, there's a whole list of excuses I found online as to why people don't work out: The naggy ones: "I hate sweating","I hate sore muscles", "I hate being out of breath", "I hate people in the gym...

BEFORE READING THIS POST GO WATCH  "THE GOOD PLACE" ON NETFLIX. Easy clues that you hate your life: 1. You have a toxic relationship (or more than one). 2. You hate your work. 3. You're bored. 4. You complain all the time. (Linked article that I liked while researching content: https://www.joe.ie/life-style/signs-that-you-hate-your-job-so-much-that-you-need-a-get-out-now-538865) Yeah, yeah, we know. And there are a bunch of articles and stuff about that so I won't get into it. I don't want to talk about hating your life. It's shit, it's hard, but it's not so hard to notice. I want to talk about NOT loving it. Watching "The good place", the point is how torture works. They shaped horrible things to particularly turn heaven into hell for one person but managing to make it seem like heaven and I thought "Do I have things like that? Do I live life thinking this is a good life while I'm actually suffering?...

Addiction is a mental illness.  It has all the characteristics of a mental illness along with being a tabu and stigmatised subject, and therefore a hidden conversation between families and friends. These posts regarding addiction urge to raise awareness and understanding of the process of AA, common behaviors and personality traits of addicts.  STEP TWO "The main characteristic of a "typical addict" is the self-centered and narcissistic feeling of omnipotence, forever searching to maintain that inner integrity." The causes change depending on the person, but somehow, most addicts share this bloated sense of self that is merely a repeated lie. We can't accept (sometimes even grasp the understanding of) not being in control. On the last post about addiction, I talked about the second step following and explaining (my interpretation) of the AA literature; so now I'll explain a bit of how this personality defect actually manifests because that 's ...

Addiction is a mental illness.  It has all the characteristics of a mental illness along with being a tabu subject, and therefore a hidden conversation between families and friends. These posts regarding addiction urge to raise awareness and understanding of the process of AA, common behaviors and personality traits of addicts.  STE P TWO "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore our sanity." As I said in the first step, AA literature has been misconstructed and misunderstood by those who enter with closed minds and hearts. That is the point of the very first step. To admit that you have failed, that you do not know everything and that not everything is under your control. Not even your life. And then, opening your mind, your perspective with humble eyes. Not to be fooled into anything but to listen and understand what accommodates you. Ok so, on the first step: You must admit complete defeat and surrender. Compared to admitting ban...

We've all heard that depression isn't about "just feeling sad" or "just tired". Then what is it really about? I've decided the best way for me to raise awareness has to be opening up on how these episodes affect me and my everyday life in these posts called: My depression today. I'll try to write up what happened in my most recent depressive episode... This was quick, steep. Just putting my feet in the water but it was hard. One I woke up, slow, with a tiny little whisper telling me to lay low today. To chill. To let go. "Hey, maybe hit snooze, just today, common. And actually, might want to skip the gym altogether. It's fine, you're not THAT fat." I see those comments and say to myself: hey, maybe, I'm just having one of those days. "Ugh, I have a huge to-do list and I haven't done anything." And there it is, slowly, like the sand falling in an hourglass, where every second makes a huge sound that ha...

I have been writing almost all my life, but I can't shake my nerves. The difference? This is public, this is for you, this is for everyone. I'm done with criticism, I'm done with hiding; I'm opening my heart and soul and putting them on display for you guys. I'm terrified because, yes, I have anxiety and depression, those horrible old ladies that have told me that I will never be good enough. However, I've learned recently that it is between this or death. I can't let the fire within me burnout. I can't accept a life of settling for survival, I'm desperate to live. This post is just to take away the fear. We'll see how it goes... For now, hey, I opened a blog!