Espejo

One of the hardest things to accept when you are diagnosed with a mental illness (especially at a young age) is accepting the changes you must make to your lifestyle. Yes, being mentally ill pushes us to change to a healthier lifestyle; there's no point in fighting it. These lifestyle posts will talk about these changes, sometimes with baby but very brave steps.  Exercise Oh, yes, the many many benefits of working out; the XXI-century-media-obsession with being skinny and fit. Exercise is wonderful: Improved sleep Increased sex drive Stress relief Increased energy and stamina Weight reduction Increase mental alertness Improved cardiovascular fitness Improved physical endurance Resilience Reduced cholesterol (Sharma, 2006) But, there's a whole list of excuses I found online as to why people don't work out: The naggy ones: "I hate sweating","I hate sore muscles", "I hate being out of breath", "I hate people in the gym...

Addiction is a mental illness.  It has all the characteristics of a mental illness along with being a tabu and stigmatised subject, and therefore a hidden conversation between families and friends. These posts regarding addiction urge to raise awareness and understanding of the process of AA, common behaviors and personality traits of addicts.  STEP TWO "The main characteristic of a "typical addict" is the self-centered and narcissistic feeling of omnipotence, forever searching to maintain that inner integrity." The causes change depending on the person, but somehow, most addicts share this bloated sense of self that is merely a repeated lie. We can't accept (sometimes even grasp the understanding of) not being in control. On the last post about addiction, I talked about the second step following and explaining (my interpretation) of the AA literature; so now I'll explain a bit of how this personality defect actually manifests because that 's ...

We've all heard that depression isn't about "just feeling sad" or "just tired". Then what is it really about? I've decided the best way for me to raise awareness has to be opening up on how these episodes affect me and my everyday life in these posts called: My depression today. I'll try to write up what happened in my most recent depressive episode... This was quick, steep. Just putting my feet in the water but it was hard. One I woke up, slow, with a tiny little whisper telling me to lay low today. To chill. To let go. "Hey, maybe hit snooze, just today, common. And actually, might want to skip the gym altogether. It's fine, you're not THAT fat." I see those comments and say to myself: hey, maybe, I'm just having one of those days. "Ugh, I have a huge to-do list and I haven't done anything." And there it is, slowly, like the sand falling in an hourglass, where every second makes a huge sound that ha...

We've all heard that depression isn't about "just feeling sad" or "just tired". Then what is it really about? I've decided the best way for me to raise awareness has to be opening up on how these episodes affect me and my everyday life in these posts called: My depression today. Scary movies I've always liked scaring myself. Watching scary movies at 3 am, alone at night. It took time until I realized not many people enjoy this like I do. So I started to wonder why. What did I like? What was so enjoyable to me? It's not like I enjoyed watching the fear in the actors, in a kind of psychopathic excitement, no. I feel very real anxiety as I watch the killer creep towards their prey. The horrible music trying to incite fear, and anticipation, the not-knowing. The moment of courage where the hero grabs some kind of weapon and goes like: "fuck you", and kills the monster. All the clichés and all the plot twists. I feel them deeply a...

This year as every other mortal human, I set my new years' resolutions: writing, running, having more creative outlets and reading.  So, today I was reading my first book and one of the characters (an older guy living in Brooklyn) was commenting on how he was planning to die.  This made me realize how many of us plan our deaths, how obsessively we focus on the end game, the result, the finish line. And it's part of what I was saying about the psychology of the struggle: We are constantly suffering to get to the end result. In other words: We either sacrifice the present in name of the future or mope about the past and what it could've been.  In rehab, we used to call this a normal behavior for addicts, the main source of pain, but I haven't met anyone living any different. My family at least: when I have money, when I lose those pounds, when I have time, when I'm strong enough, blah, blah, blah.  I just realized this is the main cause of fights between me...

Addiction is a mental illness.  It has all the characteristics of a mental illness along with being a tabu subject, and therefore a hidden conversation between families and friends. These posts regarding addiction urge to raise awareness and understanding of the process of AA, common behaviors and personality traits of addicts.  STEP ONE I got into rehab at 18 and to my surprise, I wasn't the youngest there. Age and addiction was a repeated pattern made in many conversations. Older addicts, even therapists believed that young addicts weren't going to rehabilitate as easy as a grown up, coming for the first time. It was either "they just haven't hit rock bottom, they haven't lost enough" or "they still have a lot of partying to do". At the moment this seemed bizarre, I had no actual way to relate. To me, yes, I had partied enough and I had lost plenty. But, I hadn't felt many of the things these people were saying. Sure, I've felt pa...

I have been writing almost all my life, but I can't shake my nerves. The difference? This is public, this is for you, this is for everyone. I'm done with criticism, I'm done with hiding; I'm opening my heart and soul and putting them on display for you guys. I'm terrified because, yes, I have anxiety and depression, those horrible old ladies that have told me that I will never be good enough. However, I've learned recently that it is between this or death. I can't let the fire within me burnout. I can't accept a life of settling for survival, I'm desperate to live. This post is just to take away the fear. We'll see how it goes... For now, hey, I opened a blog!