My depression today: Scary movies

We've all heard that depression isn't about "just feeling sad" or "just tired". Then what is it really about? I've decided the best way for me to raise awareness has to be opening up on how these episodes affect me and my everyday life in these posts called: My depression today.

Scary movies

I've always liked scaring myself.
Watching scary movies at 3 am, alone at night.
It took time until I realized not many people enjoy this like I do.
So I started to wonder why.
What did I like? What was so enjoyable to me?
It's not like I enjoyed watching the fear in the actors, in a kind of psychopathic excitement, no. I feel very real anxiety as I watch the killer creep towards their prey. The horrible music trying to incite fear, and anticipation, the not-knowing. The moment of courage where the hero grabs some kind of weapon and goes like: "fuck you", and kills the monster.
All the clichés and all the plot twists. I feel them deeply and I love it.

Here's what I love, though:

First of all, you know it's fake.
Second, it will end. The movie will be an hour or two and then go down.
Third, you can actually see and know there's a monster.
Fourth, the reactions of the victims are usually super fake and the killer is super foreseeable.
Fifth, it peaks my anxiety levels so when I have to face my own demons, they're usually pretty tired out.
Sixth, it is a hundred times better than to face those demons.

I have no doubt I would prefer being violently slaughtered by a rapist psychopath than having to face the slow slope of depression.

It's not dramatic, it's not entertaining, it's fucking horrible and dreadful.
It doesn't make you feel. It's nothing.

You never know how loud silence is until your fucking brain forces you to listen.

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