How to handle "should"

Have you given a hard and honest look at those things that surround you? Do you like them? Or more importantly, did you choose them? 

It's never too late to analyze where we are standing in order to redefine our course. Amazingly I found a wonderful life coach that actually shares content that goes deeper than "trust your inner you" and "listen to the universe".

Here´s the eighth dive into Kathy Caprino's 9 crucial life lessons to learn before midlife.

8. DON'T WASTE TIME ON "SHOULD"

The human need of being accepted, loved, approved, etc, shapes the way we behave; being guided by others' expectations and desires towards us. Perhaps you do something you don’t actually want to do, just because someone you care about asks you to. Could be something as little as waking up a little later to not wake up your partner who is tired after a day of work to something as big as choosing your life just to please (or spite) your parents. It’s all about core values and what you believe to be right and wrong.

Starting simple: Knowing yourself (what, why, how necessary is it? What can you do?

1.       What is on your schedule that you should do, but you don’t want to?

In my case, that’s social gatherings, sometimes work, school.

2.       Why?

a)      I’m an ambivert, which means sometimes I need people to have energy and sometimes I need me time to function. My depression and I enjoy making “nests” for me time at home. Usually a blanket, snacks, my cat and something to do. Sometimes those nests are healing, sometimes they’re timeless nightmares. So, being out of my house is hard. I get tired, cranky, and grumpy. I get very childish.

Mexican families are commonly overinvolved and get together constantly, once a week at least and sometimes more than two times a week. I honestly can’t handle that while enjoying their presence.

b)      Work. Haven’t found a good fit.

c)       School. I fucked up and chose something I didn’t actually want because of pressures of being a particularly angsty teen.

3.       How necessary is it?

a)      Ideally, I would go once or twice a month. I can’t do more and continue to have a good time. Unless I get drunk which I don’t like. So, I don’t go unless it’s a really important holiday or I sincerely want to go. Also, friends, I can’t go out with a group of friends and see my family in the same week, it’s too exhausting so, I have to compromise certain things.

b)      Work. I need to eat, have medication and survive.

c)       School. In this economy?

4.       What can I do about it?

a)      Talking to my loved ones has worked, it’s hard for people to understand at first but if they have your best interest at heart, they won’t mind.

b)      I do my best, I power through but, so far I quit. I have renounced so many times because I can’t work in a place that doesn’t understand that mental illness isn’t made up and that I am a human with basic needs and rights.

c)       I have to finish it. I’ve taken my time, though. I have thought about it deeply and the very best I can do for myself is to finish.

Empowering love note:

Whenever you are going to neglect your true desires, needs and wants over someone else's, don't. Just don't. I don’t mean that you should be a selfish prick who doesn’t do anything for others, but I mean that taking care of yourself or your happiness should never be negotiable, should never be secondary. Your body, mind, and soul are the only things that will be there for you no matter what until death; therefore they should be your priority. You will put them under whatever circumstances you decide, and only you will face the consequences of those decisions. Not your mom, not your family, not your partner. Only you. So your best ally will always have to be you. I REPEAT: This doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone else neither do I pretend to justify being offensive to others, just because “you come first”. It’s contradictory if you tend to see things in a black and white perspective, but if you open your mind you can see how the best for you is usually the best for everyone around you (unless they are toxic for you, but we’ll talk about that later). What does this mean? You’re free to feel, decide, say, think and do whatever you want with your life. Because your freedom will set those around you free as well. However, you also must take responsibility for your feelings, your decisions, your words, your thoughts, your actions; taking responsibility for yourself. Acknowledging the power you have over your life, and its implications: freedom and responsibility.