Blaming your parents

Last week I lost it.
I've been calling out all the people who wronged me both internally and externally, as a way of liberating myself from some rotten resentment and anger, including my parents.
My mom said those repeated and misunderstood words:
"You're an adult, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents."

I have so many issues with this, I don't even know where to begin.
...
Yes, I do:

First of all, culturally, we tend to overestimate willpower. 
Let's say I want to start a workout routine and just fill my head with cheap motivation from youtube, and don't really inform myself in how to personalize it: how to exercise for my body type, how to eat properly, sleep and gradually adapt those changes into my lifestyle. We tend to think willpower is simple. You just need to stay focused, you need to not be a quitter. You just need to be strong, dedicated, get your head in the game, focus on the finish line.
Sometimes our minds, their routines, and their thinking processes are way harder to change than just setting your mind to the end game.
You push your body to the edge, and you will get injured. The same happens in the mind.
Maybe you have neurological pathways that are trained by common use to think negatively, maybe you haven't noticed you have a mental illness, maybe you're simply not at the right time to make those changes. Maybe it's too painful to change and as a response mechanism, your brain decides to play tricks on you.
If I have learned something through my process is that sometimes your mind will blind you to the answers because it's simply not ready to confront them. Because of our western culture, we want to push and shove reason into places where reason has no place. We have to learn that maybe, for now, this is where I can be. And that is fine. We need to be tolerant of acceptance.

Second of all, as a society, we promote the belief that parents and family are excusable, untouchable and that any negative feeling against them is ungratefulness. No. You don't owe anyone anything and setting boundaries for you to them is necessary for your sake.
Maybe my mom oversteps, maybe my brother doesn't respect me, maybe my dad says negative comments. I have the responsibility to take care of myself and defend me. Even if it's friendly fire. We are taught to tolerate and excuse their behavior instead of learning how to have an actual relationship with them.
How many people behave unnaturally around their moms because they don't really know their true selves? Have you ever gone to a friend's house and played like a saint and the mother totally believes you? She doesn't know you, or her son. No. They honestly don't know each other and don't have a relationship whatsoever.
Our families aren't off the hook.
If you treat me wrong whoever you are, and I care about you, we will have a conversation, and maybe it will end our relationship or maybe it will make it that much stronger.
Being grateful and setting healthy boundaries aren't mutually exclusive. Actually, they're both equally important in a healthy relationship.

Third, phrasing: "Stop blaming your parents, you're an adult."

1. When someone says something stupid like that, it just pisses me offffffffff. You couldn't be more wrong because you haven't even thought about what it is you're saying! I googled the phrase and all of it says basically: focus on the positive: focus on the love they did give you, focus on the housing, the education. Well. Fuck you. My feelings matter, both positive and negative, but repressing the negative ones probably is why I am resented in the first place. Didn't we all watch inside out and came to the conclusion that all feelings are important, even "negative ones" like anger and sadness???
2. "You're an adult." This phrase is aggressive. condescending and bitchy. "You're an adult." As if that meant you don't feel any more or something. As if in the name of being functional your emotional issues were somehow irrelevant now. "Don't be a crybaby". Wrong. I can, I am and I will be a crybaby, if I want to, thank you very much.
3. "Blaming"... This is often misunderstood as well. One thing is justifying your self-harming behavior (best case scenario), because "oh, my dad was a dick" and another is saying, "my dad was a dick, he did this which fucked me up like this so I will take responsibility and do this." That's some grown up shit. 

Conclusion:

Yeah, of course, I blame my parents. And not just them. Every authority figure that helped my years of formation. They shaped the way my mind works. How I lack attention and recognition, how I lack love and constantly seek approval. Yes, you did that. Now, what I'm going to do with it? That's on me. It doesn't mean that I'm just going to sit back and watch "their makings" (me), go through life in a struggle. But I think blaming our two most important figures is an important part of self-awareness and growth. Even if you're not an angsty teen anymore.