Midnigh rant: producivity obsession

We always want more.
More money, more friends, be more, do more.
But we forget something very important.
Every more is a less.
Easy to explain: More of some priority equals less of another.
So we must choose wisely.
What do we truly want more of?

"2018 will be my bitch." And I filled my schedule with things I needed to get done.
More exercise, healthier eating, more water, more love, more authenticity, to be bolder, more organization, more clarity... Yes, all that. And more, but I also want less. I actually want less money. Fewer people around me. Less noise and fewer distractions. I want less partying.

This year, I want clarity. The thing is, to achieve it, to have it. I must give up so many things. Some will hurt. Some won't. And some will just confuse me. In the midst of giving up these things, hoping for something better to come along, I'm assuming I won't feel anything like clarity. I'm guessing it'll be like stepping into the thickest mud.


The generation gap

"Love is a bridge, not a wall."
Capheus Onyango - Sense 8

My mom is an amazing boss. She has grown professionally so much, especially considering the "disadvantages" she had to struggle with. She now has become the ultimate millennial boss: she validates her employees' efforts, home-office is always an option, creativity is welcome and encouraged and freedom is a constant. She is one yoga and meditation space short of being every new-age-vegan-creative-alternative-living-young person's dream.

However, the other day someone asked her about working with millennials to what she answered "Omg, they're the worst, so emotional and want a participation medal every time. Entitled and whiny". Of course, as her millennial daughter, I was offended af. So I tried to figure out what's up with "us", and why we are like this: lazy, mopy, mess. And I found out, what must of us already know: we are a pretty cool generation immersed in a profuse er…

The journey: Intro.

This year as every other mortal human, I set my new years' resolutions: writing, running, having more creative outlets and reading.  So, today I was reading my first book and one of the characters (an older guy living in Brooklyn) was commenting on how he was planning to die.  This made me realize how many of us plan our deaths, how obsessively we focus on the end game, the result, the finish line. And it's part of what I was saying about the psychology of the struggle: We are constantly suffering to get to the end result. In other words: We either sacrifice the present in name of the future or mope about the past and what it could've been.  In rehab, we used to call this a normal behavior for addicts, the main source of pain, but I haven't met anyone living any different. My family at least: when I have money, when I lose those pounds, when I have time, when I'm strong enough, blah, blah, blah.  I just realized this is the main cause of fights between me and my mom…

Let's talk about addiction: Rock bottom

I got into rehab at 18 and to my surprise, I wasn't the youngest there.
Age and addiction was a repeated pattern made in many conversations. Older addicts, even therapists believed that young addicts weren't going to rehabilitate as easy as a grown up coming for the first time.
It was either "they just haven't hit rock bottom, they haven't lost enough" or "they still have a lot of partying to do".
At the moment this seemed bizarre, I had no actual way to relate. To me, yes, I had partied enough and I had lost plenty. But, I hadn't felt many of the things these people were saying. Sure, I've felt pain, I've felt frustration and anger, and humiliation, impotence, and many things, but not quite like this. I was still in a bubble, about to burst.
Before rehab, I hadn't hit rock bottom, by far. I felt like a minor STD, not getting into the college I wanted, losing friends and a boyfriend, was the end of the world as any other angsty teen …

Midnight rant: Boldness

"Boldness implies the willingness to get things done despite risks."

I've decided to make BOLD my anthem for 2018, and honestly, I keep seeing the same signs on and on: when people say it in movies or tv, I find it on social media or someone talks about it around me.


Being bold is the end result of working through many personal issues.
I compare being bold to keep the fire inside your soul lit.
You have to go through every step in the AA program, starting for the very first one: admit surrender. Recognise rock bottom.
There's nothing compared to meeting someone who has lived hell and made their way back. They have unique awareness, strength, and appreciation for all things in life. It's kind of falling to the end of a pool and pushing yourself once you've touched the ground.

Today I was reading a book on Mexico's cultural, social and technological evolvement (México Rifado from Gabriela de la Riva) and I can't a…

Midnight rant: the psychology of the struggle

I overheard a conversation about a third person that was dropping out from school. I paid close attention to what they were saying because I have considered dropping out many times. The common use of words like "weak", "stupid", "waste of time/money/energy", "disappointment" (even though they were talking about a friend of them) among other negative terms, made it impossible for me to not take it personally. I felt every word as if my family and close friends were telling me those things.
Then those words came out: "he just can't handle the struggle",
And here comes the midnight rant:

"No pain, no gain."
Why do we believe this?
When did our lives became an exchange of sacrifice for pleasure?
Why do we believe that in order to have something good we have to suffer all the way through? We have to sell ourselves to the devil? We have to do things we simply don't want to?
I'm not saying work is dumb or pointless. I…

Blaming your parents

Last week I lost it.
I've been calling out all the people who wronged me both internally and externally, as a way of liberating myself from some rotten resentment and anger, including my parents.
My mom said those repeated and misunderstood words:
"You're an adult, at some point, you have to stop blaming your parents."

I have so many issues with this, I don't even know where to begin.
Yes, I do:

First of all, culturally, we tend to overestimate willpower. 
Let's say I want to start a workout routine and just fill my head with cheap motivation from youtube, and don't really inform myself in how to personalize it: how to exercise for my body type, how to eat properly, sleep and gradually adapt those changes into my lifestyle. We tend to think willpower is simple. You just need to stay focused, you need to not be a quitter. You just need to be strong, dedicated, get your head in the game, focus on the finish line.
Sometimes our minds, their routines, and t…